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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Day 92 (June 26, 2007)

I'm just a bit emotional and teary as I write. We just went to our last appointment with Bob and got Jon's bone marrow biopsy. They drew his blood and it was the best it has ever been. Hemoglobin of 14.1 and everything is just coming up. Of 19 things it tells on his print out 15 were in normal range and all of the others were close. Whites, reds, and hematocrit are not normal, but really close to normal and the highest they have ever been on his own. This visit felt like every other one until it was time to leave. We found out that this was Jon's last visit with Bob and that we won't have another doctors appointment for 3 weeks till he sees Dr. Shea. That is the longest we have ever gone without a doctors appointment since November. It was really humbling to think about that. What really made me emotional was as we were leaving and checking out and making our appointment with Dr. Shea, there was a young tall handsome man in his early twenties with an over night bag and his mom carrying his pillow. He was waiting to check in--for campath was my guess. I identified so much with the look on his face--one of optimism and hope. He looked so brave, but I also imagined he felt like we did when Jon went in--that we were holding on for a crazy ride and just hoping we could hold on long enough and strong enough. It was such a vivid realization for me of where we were, how far we have come, and where we are now. For a brief moment, I had a very clear visualization of the past, the present and our hopes for the future. In November my day today seemed like it might never come. It was hard to imagine a day where the fears of cancer wouldn?t occupy all my mind's energy. It is still there, and to be honest, I think it will always be there, but it keeps moving further and further back in my mind. And what I didn't know in November was that we can still be so happy as our little family with cancer still in the picture. I've also come to realize that the experiences of the past year will be something I ponder upon for the rest of my life. As I remember certain feelings and think about things in a new way, every time I am amazed at how the Lord was with us and carried us and strengthened us. Jadi had mentioned that her being a match could have been a blessing that the Lord had prepared for Jon before he came to the earth. What a loving gift from our Heavenly Father. I am amazed at his goodness towards us.

There are still patches in my memory. I think I remember telling my mom about Jon, but I don't remember at all telling Micah, and yet there are other things that are so vivid. During the very hardest of times it seemed that heaven was the nearest. For so long our lives seemed to revolve around endless doctors appointments. Now we are going to t-ball games more frequently than we are doctors. Who would have guessed. Today has been a real day for reflection and gratitude and I hope it can be one of gratitude for all of us. We are doing so well and are so happy! We aren't out of the woods by any means, but then again I don't think there will be a moment or a day when we say that we have closed this cancer chapter of our lives. I'm just so grateful that where we are right now is the very best place we could be. Thank you so much for all the roles that you have played in our lives. We love all of you so very much and are so grateful for your faith and strength that you have added to ours.. Thank you for all your sacrifices for us! We love you!!

Quinn and Jon